i'll order the grilled life w/ a side of boring, plz

What made the other day a good day

+ was sliding into the carport in front of our apartment right when this song faded out
and remembering that i forgot the only pair of shoes i owned at work
and not caring a bit about it

+ was not having to insert my key into the lock because my husband was ready to open the door and throw his arms around me with a hearty "Hey, sport!" and a few forehead kisses for good measure

+ was this very same husband asking me to serenade him on the ukulele and me obliging, playing La Vie En Rose three times in a row, followed by some Lana that ... didn't go very well

+ was tripping over clothes, dog toys, and Peace Tea cans on the way to that broken couch of ours to talk about how we are going to save money now that I quit my job and laughing that at least I would have more time to pick up the things I am tripping over

+ was sitting on the floor watching a Dakota Fanning movie and legitimately yelling at the TV about how unrealistic the movie was because, first of all, her parents didn't seem to care where she was the entire movie and second of all she spent nearly the whole film in the sun and didn't have to apply sunscreen to her porcelain skin once and was burned a total of zero times despite waking up suddenly and hopping on her bike to the beach more than one time. Maybe she has a vaccine I don't know about, or maybe I just think about skincare a lot.

Anyway.
The unglamorous life that looks terrible when you take pictures of it is my favorite kind these days,
because for some reason what bleach trays and way too crispy chocolate chip cookies are doing for my soul these days is so unbelievably fulfilling that i cannot possibly portray it in any other way than with words.

Sure, there are certainly those beautiful moments where your hair looks especially lovely
and you are barefoot, wearing your favorite dress in a place you rarely frequent
but those moments don't mean as much to me right now in life,
they don't hold as much weight as picking dog fur off my husband's shoulders as he gets up from the carpet from playing with Bruno and letting him lick his face
or calling the IRS for the seventeenth time about our tax return because it sort of feels like a secret mission that we are involved in and the hold music they play isn't half bad,
even when you have to listen to it for four hours (true story).

I'm learning that having it "all together" doesn't look the same on everybody.
I like it.
A lot.

It makes me love all of the human beings and all of their stories
and all of their wrinkled, cat hair-covered sweaters and messy haircuts
and wonder about all the things that make them feel whole that aren't measurable by other people like me.
You know,
like my bleach trays and bad Lana del Rey renditions.

I love being human.

xo.

i'm so lucky.

i'm so lucky to have a guy whose favorite colors are basically pink and purple. and who wouldn't say it would be a "girly" thing to paint our kitchen cabinets pink. and who loves floral couches. and who doesn't say crap like "that's a girl thing" or "girls are dramatic" or "are you on your period?". and who looks at people as humans, yet appreciates the things that make us so uniquely different as men & women.

i'm so lucky to have a job that i love. i love teaching dance. i love it so! i love influencing young minds and teaching them the ins and outs of this art that i love. i love being able to walk into the studio and decide what i'm going to teach these young people right then and there. i love seeing them connect with movement and i am so proud to watch when they perform on stage.

i'm so lucky to have everything i could ever need, materially. for the last few christmases and birthdays it has been nearly impossible to find things i could ask people to give me. i feel so blessed to have things that it almost pains me to have to try to search for things that could possibly supplement my collection of possessions.

i'm so lucky to be in love.
i'm so lucky to be loved.
i'm so lucky to be where i am
and who i am.

the blue sky i've seen above my head these last few days has changed something in me.
i'm feeling more in love with my life than ever.

i am so blessed!

what makes you lucky?

xo.

"talk about what you love and keep quiet about what you don't"

so....
this has been on my mind
and i have to write it out.

it all started when my brother posted a picture of me on 9gag,
which was extremely unflattering, with me in sweats and making a squinty face
and with the caption "my sister being a hipster"
because i was taking a picture of my mom's birthday cake e.g. food.
and people (strangers) shared it on facebook
and i'm sure they had a good laugh over it.
(you're welcome for the link, by the way. i'm not afraid to look lousy in the internet.)
i guess i don't really care
but...

something in me just snapped,
oh-so subtly,
and i started noticing all the labels and just plain ole negativity around me.
it's everywhere
and it has been slowly breaking my heart bit by bit.

it continued scratching at my insides
while my sister and i were watching twilight
and i thought about a little twihard somewhere in the world
who genuinely loves those books or movies
who feels like they have to keep it quiet
because there are just so many voices saying it's worthless and/or stupid
and that people who like it are some kind of uncultured yokels
who don't know the meaning of real entertainment.

and i, to be perfectly honest, shed a few tears for that person
who feels like he has to keep something so unbelievably harmless
and something that makes him so very happy
a secret.

and yesterday.
hashtag vineapp
i saw so many people trying to drive wedges between themselves and the rest of people on social media
or they were somewhat patronizing themselves by saying they were a follower
or "just part of the trend"
for giving in to something that could generally be very cool
and that a lot of people were genuinely excited about
and that a lot of people had a lot of positive feelings about...
something that i think is genuinely cool.

i've been overly receptive to this lately,
i admit it.
but it has been making me so very sad!

you don't have to demean yourself for liking anything.
nothing.
never.
never do you have to do this.
let yourself like things and get excited about it
whether two people or two thousand people are talking about it!

you also do not need to let everyone know when you dislike something!
i know i am guilty sometimes.
in no way am i saying i am always positive!
it's just incredibly boring to hate things.

all of these thoughts made me watch liberal arts again,
which i just love
and i felt inspired to share these clips again.

watch them in order, if you will.




so... i just want to issue a challenge to whoever chooses to accept it, including to myself:

talk about what you love and keep quiet about what you don't. 
because it's actually really boring to hate things.
and
never demean yourself for genuinely enjoying something!

but, ya know...
if you really want to say that you don't like something
let yourself, too!
it's okay! don't be a robot!

i'm just sayin...

antagonism has been accumulating out there
just pooling up
and it just sits there. like, forever.
ugh.

on the bright side,
it has inspired me even further to be a beacon of positivity.
because i don't like heavy metal.
i don't like some books.
i don't like some tv shows.
but i would hope that i could at least say that i try my hardest to see the value in everything
and that other people are allowed to like all of the things that i don't like
and i don't ever have to make myself feel bad for watching twilight while i do homework
or taking pictures of food, because i actually find food to be really beautiful
or wearing fake glasses, which i have done since i was in grade school.
or downloading a popular app
or getting excited about it.
because i want to share the things that make me happy!
and so do you!

because a lot of people are going to like the same things
probably all at once
and that doesn't make them any less cool!
i'm so thankful that there are so many people out there that want to share what they love with the rest of the world,
hoping it will make others as happy as it has made them.
i love it!

you can completely hate trends or you can completely love them
and either way you are still beautiful and amazing and cool and mostly HAPPY.
because either way it makes you happy!
i hope that you will make people feel the same way when they like things, too.


if you need to let your dislikes out,
write it down or yell it out or get it out of your system! do it! be healthy!
and then think about what you love!

because there is way too much in this world that we can love
there there should be no time to even focus on what we hate for even 30 seconds!

am i right??

SO JUST LIKE STUFF, OK?!

xo.

becoming a radiant maverick.

i spent the day in salt lake city perusing antique shops
and saw some old boots with the word MAVERICK printed on the bottom.
i immediately remembered a short time i spent at a friend's ranch when i was younger...
a maverick was an animal that hadn't been branded, that nobody really "owned".
an independent creature.

and i realized
that i felt like a motherless calf,
like a free creature.
independent.
and i knew that independence requires courage.


in one of the greatest ted talks ever given,
brene brown defines courage as:

"to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart."

and that idea has been troubling me.
i mean,
it's absolutely brilliant
and i feel like i am telling the story of who i am with my whole heart,
with all of the contents of my soul and spirit...
but if i might just add to that definition with:

"to tell the whole story of who you are with your whole heart."

and i had to be honest with myself and say
i most certainly was not doing that.

so i have been taking time to reconcile all the bits and parts of me
and uncaging all the little singing birds underneath my ribs
and just letting them fly free with the rest.

i've spent so long trying to reconcile my whole story with the outside world
that i have caged parts of myself in the process.

it has taken Ultimate Life Lows to realize i should have been reconciling what was already there
and ignoring the things that were not.

but now,
i'm prepared. i'm ready.

suddenly,
the world is ... there. right in front of me.
and it's like it has been saying, "oh... hello. i've been waiting for you."

i have never, ever felt more free.
ever.

xo.

i still remember that day we met in december.

december 5th was just a day to me.

i just hopped a plane to see my grandparents and to visit some friends. 

i didn't care about much in life at that time,

so when you sat next to me on the train

it was just another encounter with a stranger. 

i was just a boring girl

in a dull life.

today is no longer just a day.

i care so much about life now that you are in it.

you are no longer a stranger

and i no longer feel boring

or like my life is dull.

i love that you still remember everything i was wearing that day.

i love that you still have some of the first texts we exchanged on that old phone of yours.
i love that you still have that phone in a box under your bed...
and you have the memory card of the first pictures we took together and will not allow it to be used for any other photos.

i love that you had the courage to sit next to me

and the courage to speak to me

and the courage to call me

and the courage to call me again. and again. 

i love that you never gave up.

i love talking about our thoughts on that train ride now that it's in hindsight, 

knowing you were smitten 

and i was so obviously not. 

knowing that you called your friends and family afterwards 

and told them you just met the girl of your dreams after fifteen minutes. 

i love that you rode waaay past your stop just to walk me off the train. 

i didn't love it then.

but gosh... i just love thinking about it now.

it was just written in the stars, i guess.

no matter what happens,
this day will always, always be important to me.
always.
it's the day i met the man who would irrevocably change who i am.
you will never know how special you are to me
but i want to spend forever showing you.

and it was extremely special being able to visit the place where we met

since that doesn't happen very often.
i am so grateful to have been there.
my heart had never been fuller.

this video is a choppy, poorly made, partial summary of our little trip and will likely mean nothing to anyone who views it besides adam & i

but it makes me so very happy. 

enjoy lots of random, meaningless, probably embarrassing clips of two people who are in love! 

happy four years, adam reid. 

i have loved every minute of it. 

xo.

dead or alive.

this is a very strange feeling.

i have absolutely, positively, no idea
if i am extremely happy
or extremely depressed.

symptoms:
excessive crying, mood swings, butterflies in the stomach, intense laughter, & frequent zoning out...
among other things.

a pessimist might assume i've got the blues,
but ariel also had most of these symptoms after she went up where they spend all day in the sun.

all i know
is that i have thought,
"i am the happiest i have been in a while!"
and
"how will i make it through today?"
within a five minute period.
& repeat. for the 20 hours of each day that i spend awake lately.

it. is. the strangest.

it's just... hysteria with no clear blueprint.

but i'm reaping the assumed benefits
which include increased creativity, decreased inhibitions, and reconnections with old friends
(since i've been asking my old bffs for all kinds o' advice these days).

and, to continue with the string of false causality,
i've had some really good hair days.

but... sucks about my brain, though.

is this normal?
this is some kind of puzzle.
hope it gets sorted out soon.


off to cry now!

xo.

hanging tight.

i needed to feel a little better about things in life right now,
so i pulled out this photo of a time when i was blissfully happy:
we were walking the streets in dc a few weeks ago, just about ready to get on the metro
when adam spotted a street vendor selling roses
and without a word
stopped and got some for me
to match my lipstick.
i. was so. happy.
i wish i still had them. 

i have so many things to say,
so many pictures to share...

but i'm still playing catch up and dealing with some heavy stuff right now.
just know that i'd rather be on my computer reminiscing and looking at my dc pictures & video,
but priorities, right?

and i'm realizing just how quickly time flies... it's crazy!
i mean... it's thanksgiving in a few short days!
and the lights are being strung on the trees at the park just outside this library window
and christmas can officially be celebrated this week.
crazy!

i just want to go back in time and stay in a few moments before things got this crazy
but... hey!
life is still pretty good even when it sucks.

xo.

just a few things to be happy about.

- finding bonus french fries in the bottom of your to-go bag.
- finally discovering a good chai tea you can really commit to.
- straightening your hair, sleeping on it, and waking up kink free!
- the first hot cocoa of the season.
- discovering that your brass ring isn't rusted, it's just dirty (oops).
- finding that you're just not tired of that awesome new song yet.
- buying something on sale and getting additional discounts at the register.
- realizing that an important event is now on the upcoming weather forecast!
- being super stressed and knowing that the only cure is cuddling on the floor of your bedroom with a boy & a dog.


stay happy, kiddos.

xo.

conversion.

remember when i said i wanted autumn to stay away?

well... there are a few (okay, a lot) of sights around here that have been converting me.
like...

this:

and this coziness:

 

and this natural beauty with those beauties behind her:

and this dreamy looking setup:

and this lovely at my mama's house:

and these amazing bits of leg-warming goodness:

and this autumn scene:

consider my tune changed.
autumn, you are beautiful to say the least.

xo.

jump for joy!

i've been fighting off a lot of personal negativity lately...

for example,

i've been complaining a little too much. 

bad on me. 

so i made a plan.

i went to the park

and jumped

and (the best part)

i rolled down a really big, grassy hill.

it was amazing. 

i'd recommend it.

and all that spinning and leaping

helped lift my spirits (literally)

and made me just that much happier

because there is so much to be happy about!

so, jump for joy this weekend.

it rocks.

xo.

it's my half birthday! and other things...

it's my half-birthday
which is normally not significant to me,
but since Time & i have been in a complicated relationship these days,
i want to celebrate the little things.
i think i'm going to eat, like, three donuts today.

plus...
it's officially october!
i love this month. i really do.
i think this one will be especially special.
i can feel it.

i mean,
this particular october, i will finish a total of ten dance projects. ten!
this particular october brings me not one, but two fall breaks from things.
aaaand
this particular october is taking us to nyc and dc for a few exciting things! (hallelujah!)

so many things to celebrate!
so, if you catch me doing a series of likely embarrassing happy-dances,
you'll know why.

huzzah!

(photo of one of my students, skylar. the girl was nice enough to help me in a pinch with my photo assignment. she's awfully pretty, no?)

xo.

you make traffic jams feel like parades.

steps to managing a stressful traffic jam:

[ S T E P  O N E ]
- have a favorite person with you. better yet, a cute favorite person to stare at.

[ S T E P  T W O ]
- have some good ole lana playing.

[ S T E P  T H R E E ]
- make up stories about where the swarms of cars are headed... as well as all the ridiculous reasons we are all going so slow. make the stories involve impossible mythical creatures.

[ S T E P  F O U R ]
- get started on your in-the-event-of-an-apocalypse plans.

[ S T E P  F I V E ]
- pity laugh at your traffic jam buddy's lame jokes and get tickled to make you laugh for reals.

[ S T E P  S I X ]
- make up a secret handshake. keep forgetting about the order of gestures, and eventually decide on just hand hugging for an extended period of time.

[ S T E P  S E V E N ]
- realize you have been irresponsible drivers in this traffic... ;)

tried and tested.
it's a system that works, people.

xo.

can you get tired of this?

lately i have felt like blogging,
but i have always deleted it
because i found that i'm simply stating how happy i am
overandoverandover
which is basically all i can seem to say these days.

well...
guess what?

i'm really happy.

even if the world is tired of hearing it.


i'm happy
despite all the things to be terribly sad about.
that's all.

(photo from 2 years ago at the state fair... which is coming up again soon! more things to be happy about.)

xo.

reasons why this weekend is going to rock

1. a wedding rehearsal dinner tonight for kenzi&weston.
2. bridesmaidin' it up on saturday.
3. plenty of just-for-fun dance this evening and on saturday morning. much needed.
4. weekend diy projects (including a dress! i'm stoked).
5. spinnin' some vinyl.
6. plans to go flower picking (for real!).
7. seeing adam.
8. bruno + the dog park.
9. lots of time spent with this beautiful girl.
10. ummm it's officially june!

plus, i have tons of time where i literally have nothing on the agenda!

it's been so long since i've had a just-for-fun weekend.
it will be pretty busy, as always, but filled with things that are just destined to make you happy.

that's more than okay with me. :)

xo.

the bliss dictionary

i'm so dedicated
to finding the glittery, shiny moments in my own life and the lives of others.

i want to share it...
a little corner dedicated to something beautiful.

join this fb page
and share what bliss means to you.

contribute to a global definition of what it means to be happy.

milestones

i gotta say,
since writing this post,
i am so much happier.

i don't know if it was just getting it out there
or having adam read it and just hearing it from me...

i don't know.

i'm just...
lighter.

other reasons to be happy:
*officially choreographed 75 pieces in my life.
*puppy officially knows how to sit
*skin has stayed clear for a record 6 days

this is also my 100th post on this blog and HOW appropriate to celebrate a first for this milestone:

first sale, baby.

life is good right now.
the sun seems brighter.
my bed feels softer.
the air just seems fresher.

it's soooo copacetic.

first day of summer, baby

i love summer.
i got a feelin in my sandals that it's gonna be a good one.
bring it on.

early to rise

we love mornings.

bruno consistently wakes me up around 7:30 by biting my FACE.
i let him outside while i get us some breakfast.
ticky hears us from upstairs and runs downstairs.
so i get HIM breakfast.

my breakfast is SOmuchbetta than brunie's

the three of us walk out to the front porch.
i try to get them to eat from their correct bowl.
people are jogging with their exercise buddies,
heading to work,
mowing their lawns.

plenty of your typical neighborhood bustle
makes for excellent white noise.

the dogs finish eating
and lay down next to me
and the sun continues to rise on us.

i think about what i'm going to do that day.
bruno thinks about puppy stuff.
ticky just wants to go back inside.

i let the dumb dog back inside while bruno and i chill on the porch for a while
before we head back in for some yoga {me, not bruno}.

the weather is perfect.
the sun is beautiful.
everything is peaceful.

did i mention we love the mornings around here??

where the rooms are a collection of our lives

class tonight was lovely.
we danced to a song
about home.

if you know me at all,
you know this is a concept that fascinates me.

if you pay attention to life and art all around you,
you'd notice there are countless
poems,
movies,
songs,
paintings,
sonnets,
stories,
works of art of any kind
that are about the concept of home.

it is universal.
from the beginning of time,
to today,
and into the future...
into forever....
people have always been longing for home.

everyone. everywhere. 

we all just want to go home.

so
in honor of this stunningly beautiful song,
let's unfurl this carpet we know all too well
and talk about
HOME.

“Home is a name, a word, it is a strong one; stronger than magician ever spoke, or spirit ever answered to, in the strongest conjuration.”

- Charles Dickens

i love my home.
i cannot wait for my future home.
with my husband.
and my children.

a home,
my home:

made of walls and beams.
stairs that lead to the place where we rest our heads.
windows that let light break through them.
food in our pantry.
hallways lined with pictures of the faces we adore.
clothes swaying from the clothesline outside.
bread in the oven.
fresh flowers from our garden resting in a humble mason jar.
dogs lying on the floor, occasionally getting underfoot while we're doing laundry.
fresh grass in our very own lawn.
little footsteps running across creaky floorboards.

i get chills thinking about it.

the person who can promise these things to me,
and mean it,
will have my heart forever.

i want my home to be everything i hold dear.
after all,
you only really get ONE place to mold to your soul.
surround yourself with beauty,
with family,
with grace
with love.

dreaming about my home,
our home,
enthuses me beyond belief.

create a home.
put your heart into it.
it's where the heart is, you know.


{photo of frederick douglas's house. amazing i know.}

i was born in the springtime

spring time.
i love you so much.
and when there is enough love there,
two beings make certain promises to each other.
so here are my vows to you, spring time.

i promise to...
- never wear shoes
- never eat lunch without a picnic basket
- plant as many ranunculus, centifolia roses, and peony bushes as my garden can handle
- visit the tulip festival
- never pass up the opportunity that a playground swing set brings to me
- fly a homemade kite
- throw a bbq
- drive my car with the top down allldatime
- blast music while the top is down alldatime.
- really take advantage of our herb garden this year
- wear dresses daily
- participate in spring cleaning!
- utterly exhaust my amazazazing bike from all the riding we will do
- wear overalls. you heard me.
- see the ocean
- take the puppy out to enjoy the weather daily
- hike until my legs can no longer take another step
- refinish some furniture
- never leave the house without a camera
- read a few good books {outside, of course}
- go kayaking
- braid my hair at least once a week
- skip down a tree-lined street
- buy fruits from roadside stands
- buy a wide brim hat
- paint my nails in springy colors evvvvry day
- tie bows in my hair with found ribbon scraps
- pray daily in thanks for the beautifulbeautifulbeautiful weather

springtime,
i only ask one thing in return...

that you stay with me for as long as we both shall live
for better or for worse
til death do us part.

at least until summer takes over :)

my birthday is on sunday.
i'm so happy i was born just on the brink of flowers, bare feet, and EASTER.
conference is on my birthday this year.
wow... just WOW.
so much to be thankful for!

i went for a drive today.
top down.
hair down.
listening to music and getting down.

i haven't experienced happiness like this since the leaves left the trees.

springtime,
the beauty that is all around me overwhelms my entire being.
the sun is shining,
birds are chirping,
grass is growing,
there are buds on my pear tree.

WOW.

i love you so much.

i'm yours forever!