a birthday and a secret.

that husband of mine turned the ripe age of 27 yesterday!
i love him so very much and spending an entire day making sure he hasn't got a single doubt about that is entirely my cup of tea.
so, naturally, i was in heaven every hour.

i absolutely love birthdays.
i believe, firmly, that at least one day a year should be spent celebrating the existence of someone so wholeheartedly that they just say "enough already! i get it!"
and you can call it quits (if you must)
and rest easy knowing they know they are loved by every ounce of you.

the day was spent amidst good food, plenty of midday cuddling and talking in our room, adam happily rapping some old school snoop dog to me, and partying in our little apartment like a couple of fools.
also, at the end of the day we somehow found ourselves watching videos on youtube about owls
and it was oddly fun.
so,
there's that, i guess.

we were lucky enough to have dinner with family
and i think adam was on cloud nine from midnight to midnight.

[i created a cinnamon almond cake and i can't stop eating it. tastes just like cinnamon roasted almonds!]

it's worth mentioning that i uncharacteristically kept adam's gifts a secret for months
which was so, so difficult!
keeping those lips of mine sealed was a daily struggle (seriously. it was.),
but the look on his face...
and the "is this real life?!" and "this hasn't even hit me yet!!" when he opened them was absolutely thrilling and i don't think i could be happier! really!
can people be this happy? is it allowed?!

more importantly,
adam was happy, too.
or at least i think so.
if singing in the shower,
laughing really loud all day at aaaanything that was remotely funny,
hugging everyone at least twice after dinner,
and immediately putting those fresh boarding passes up on the fridge are any indication
then, yeah.
i'd say he's happy.

exhibit a:

xo.

happy happy birthday, mama dear!

[yes, if you're wondering... my mom is over 50 and lookin' fine.]

happy halloween!
and a very happy birthday to my mother!!

without my mom...
i wouldn't have someone who (still) grabs me and picks me up, runs to the couch, sets me on her lap, and gives me a big hug and whole bunch of i-love-you's.

i wouldn't have anyone who i can turn to ask all sorts of random trivia, knowing she will likely know the answer to just about any random thing i might be wondering.

i wouldn't know how to properly shade a sphere while drawing
or how to mix watercolor paints
or how to crack an egg the right way.

i wouldn't have had anyone to help me build just about every piece of furniture in my house
or to make sure i didn't make any terrible interior design mistakes
(note: every time my mama comes over to my house, she leaves it looking much better than when she first arrived.)

i wouldn't have anyone sending me picture after picture of the cats i miss so much at home
or tagging me in pinterest pins at least twice per day.

without my mother,
i wouldn't have that constant warm, full energy that stays with me at all times because of how much she loves her children.

plus, mom. you were born on halloween
making your birthday extra fun for all involved.
thanks for that. ;)

happy birthday, mom! i love you so, so much!

xo.

a year for every hour of the day.

so, i turned 24 last week.
it's rather odd, as it doesn't feel like i thought it would when i was, say, 12.
which is half my age
and makes me feel old.

the days leading up to my birthday were hard
and my birthday is always hard.
i couldn't tell ya why.
it just is!

i'm lucky to have people in my life who are so very patient
and who send me texts like
"LET'S TURN THIS AROUND"
and who leave little notes on my car
even though i'm difficult on my birthday
and i say things like "i have no frieeeends" and "why am i getting so ooooold"
and other pathetic things like that.

i know i've mentioned this before,
but my people are the sweetest and most loving people in the world
and i cannot believe i'm attached to them!!!

so,

my birthday...

let's explore it through pictures:

[my sweet sister + mama decorated the place with pom poms & ranunculus flowers!]

[aren't ranunculus flowers the prettiest? that + poppies. HEAVEN ON EARTH!]

[my sister suggested a hole-in-the-wall burger place for dinner]

[we took it back to my dad's office and ate in the conference room after hours]

[probably the best burgers we have ever had, like, ever]

[we visited my new favorite chocolate place in SLC and had their amazing vegan truffles!]

[my sister also decorated everything with little gold hearts. i love her]

[i am a little tired of birthday cake, so i wanted waffles + ice cream. nothing is better!]

life is just so imperfect
and sometimes so humble and quiet
and other times it is so loud
but not all moments are meant for applause.
some moments are reverent or meaningful in a different way.

that's how life is and that's how it's gonna stay
and i'm gonna love it
even when i feel all down on my own life and its shortcomings.
it's still my life
and it's still a beautiful one.

also,
i still can't believe i'm 24!!!
i think i will always be 19 on the inside.
that's okay, right?

p.s. birthdays make me go all introspective. see last year. and the year before. and man do i look different or what?

xo.

happy birthday, adam.

it's adam's birthday!

the big old 26! 

happy birthday, adam!

i'm excited to give you your presents.

here's to many more birthdays with you!

xo.

it's my half birthday! and other things...

it's my half-birthday
which is normally not significant to me,
but since Time & i have been in a complicated relationship these days,
i want to celebrate the little things.
i think i'm going to eat, like, three donuts today.

plus...
it's officially october!
i love this month. i really do.
i think this one will be especially special.
i can feel it.

i mean,
this particular october, i will finish a total of ten dance projects. ten!
this particular october brings me not one, but two fall breaks from things.
aaaand
this particular october is taking us to nyc and dc for a few exciting things! (hallelujah!)

so many things to celebrate!
so, if you catch me doing a series of likely embarrassing happy-dances,
you'll know why.

huzzah!

(photo of one of my students, skylar. the girl was nice enough to help me in a pinch with my photo assignment. she's awfully pretty, no?)

xo.

through the eyes of an iphone

birthday week is ending
and, honestly, it rocked.

amazing food.
pretty cakes.
instant photos and vinyl.
new treasures.
spontaneous trips to movies, to bakeries, and to the city.
swimming day {right before it snowed!}.
new anthro dresses.
birthday flowers on the table. and in my hair. and in the kitchen. and the garden. not to mention petals going down the stairs...

most of all,
my favorite people surrounded me at all times, even when i slept {sister sleepovers every day!}.
it was heaven.

to say i'm blessed would be an understatement.

weeks like these get me thinking:
i know birthdays aren't about gifts.
i know that there is more to our souls than just this life.
i know our lives, the world that we know, will end.
i know every gift and thing or item or piece of the physical world will not follow me into forever.
i know i will regret the abundance of birthday cake i've eaten this week,
but i have so much to live for. so much in this LIFE that keeps me loving this world...
and the best thing about it?
i know that when all of these physical things go back to the earth, or into a landfill,
forgotten forever
as though they never even belonged to a twenty-something girl in 2012
and my body...
the lips i apply lipstick on
and the shoulders my straps rest upon
and the hair i braid on a daily basis...
when all of my molecules disintegrate and die,
i can take moments like these...
all the pretty, tragic, loving and mad moments
and feel the warmth of love that life brings me.
love is what keeps us alive.
and though this life isn't what it's all about....
good gracious am i grateful for it.

birthday wishlist

my birthday is so very soon!
i'm actually excited this year,
not because it's all about me,
but i'm excited to spend time with my family!
i have week off from work{!!}, & sister hannah's birthday is two days after mine...
so it's going to be party central around these parts!

simply being honest...
i'm not about to be one of those people who says "oh, i don't like gifts!"
because
let's face it....
who doesn't?
i never let myself receive things from others,
or be the center of attention,
so this year i'm allowing myself to be spoiled for just one day.
it's a challenge,
but i'm looking forward to looking at things differently.

bring it on, Day of April Third!

01. pretty pink cake. 02. tiny heart ring. 03. essie's "pink parka" polish. 04. mac's ruby woo.

05. pretty thing to clutch. 06. oversized balloons. 07. denim vest. 08. instax 210. 09. crosley turntable.

celebrating the birth of my love

since adam's birthday fell on a sunday,
i made a weekend out of spoiling the guy.

his birthday also marked the

ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY

of his BAPTISM!

so... it was an extra special reason to celebrate!

twenty five is kind of a big year,
so i wanted to go all out!

in DC there are about twelve of these stores around where we both used to live.
they were everywhere.

i remember one evening,
we decided we were going to head out to chinatown & e street to see a movie, have some amazing dinner, and go to my favorite gelato place in the whole world. {that just made me miss DC soooo much!}


we both felt like we had nothing to wear,
so we stopped at h&m to check it out.
we picked up a pair of red pants {which are now his favorite},
and a black&white polka dot dress {which is now my favorite}.
we ended up getting rained on and having to find shelter in various little shops along the road.
it was quite the lovely day.

since the utah store opened up so close to his birthday,
i decided to take him there for a mini shopping spree so we could get him some bangin' clothes for saturday night.

the line was super long,
and i do not do well with crowds.
but we did spot miss katrina there with her little hazel,
which prompted us to dreamily gaze at all the baby clothes upstairs {okay, mostly me. but he was picking stuff out too!}...
and he did end up getting awesome clothes,
including a cardigan that may have given me butterflies when he tried it on.

it was sorta hard to get adam to focus on boy's clothes.
he kept pushing me over and saying "okay, now let's get something for you."; "look that dress would look so great on you, try it on."; "let's go to the girl clothes now."
funny guy.

one of our first talking points when i was first getting to know adam,
for some reason,
was sweeney todd.

i was really into musicals at that point,
and i must have mentioned that i was watching it when he texted me one night
because the next day i received a text from him
with my name inserted into song lyrics from the play.

i thought it was so cheesy and funny.
it's a sweet song 'n all... but whaaa?
i barely knew this clown and i had no idea if he was serious or not.
{to this day, i don't know. i should ask him about that.}
my sister and i had a good laugh about it,
and soon hannah became "hanthony" in my phone, and i was "joayley" in hers.

i really got lucky with timing for adam's birthday,
because midvale theatre had a production of sweeney todd running
and we attended closing night.
naturally, since she was in on the joke,
hannah came, too.

it was deeeeefffinitely local theater ;)

when we got home, the three of us watched crazystupidlove {and cried}.
i had to take him home early {which was 2 am for us} so he could be well rested for his birthday.
i hated having to drive him home!
i wanted to fall asleep while we laid on the floor in my basement just talking & joking,
but the next day was a big one.
sometimes we make sacrifices...

the big day!

{fyi, as soon as my brain switched into talk-about-adam's-actual-birthday mode, i suddenly wanted to type out the beginning to bad romance... the rah-rah-ah-ah-ah part. no idea why. there's nothing about a bad romance here. maybe it was the "ooh lala" part. so weird.}


i picked adam up
and the blindfold went on...

i took him to a little place we had all to ourselves,
where a little billie holiday was playing
and a homemade, candlelit dinner was waiting for us!

he was so surprised!

and, of course, we had to have lemon meringue pie,
which adam said he would eat for breakfast the next day.

we went home to more cake, online music hunting/discovering, the office, {rewinding this clip several times... so funny}, and a birthday massage.

i love this guy.
i tried opening my mouth several times during that dinner to tell him what i was thinking at that moment,
but words wouldn't come out.
ugh.

here goes. in written form.

adam....

i love you so much!
you make me so happy.
you inspire me every day to be a better person.
you are the kindest, sweetest, most generous person i've ever met.
cliche ahead...
you light up my life.

i'm so glad that i got to spend your birthday with you.
i'm so glad that i get to see you {almost} every day.
i'm so lucky that you will never complain about when i'm gross or i don't shave my legs.
i know that reading that you wish i wouldn't have said the word gross in reference to me.
sorry.
i love how kind you are to my family, even when they're not-so-nice to you.
i admire the way that you can walk up to anyone and strike up a conversation.
you never fail to amaze me with your kindness and love.
i love how embarrassed you got when you accidentally touched my sister's butt. it was funny.
i love your little giggle when we're watching youtube videos.
i loooove when you pick me up.
i love you even when i'm mad at you.
i just love you!

i really hope your birthday was awesome,
because i kinda think you are.

warning! by reading this, you might get jealous of my life

this is a week in the life of ayley yasuko and people she loves dearly






1. mama's birthday dinner at rawtopia.
{all food is served raw and nothing is cooked over 104 degrees to keep it alive. all food is vegan & water is served at room temperature.}

"burger"

coconut curry rice with a nut cracker

zucchini "pasta"

amaaazing mango smoothie

2. masquerade party in slc with transfusion hype.
i learned adam is an awkward dancer and it's hilarious.
despite the fact that i dance for a living every day, dancing socially in front of other people in that type of setting makes me cringe. i lamely spent most of the night in a chair. party pooper.

 annual johnson family halloween party.

puppy, hipster, mickey

every year, my grandfather prepares a "spook alley" in his basement. this was by far the most elaborate spook alley i ever did encounter. he had a script, loads of props, costumes, and nearly the whole family was involved.
 luckily my aunt got some pictures of the evening. i took some video, but it's completely dark and fuzzy. too bad. it was hilarious.

top left: some sort of cult madness in the backyard; top right: a completely brilliant bush costume that suddenly started running at me and grabbed me. it was quite frightening; bottom left: my cousin in a gorilla costume that terrorized us while we were locked in the garage; bottom right: some cousins in costume

my grandpa & uncle commenting on the gorilla picture on good old FB:

truer words...

halloween is also my mama's birthday!
double celebration full on. so intense.
{we're best friends if you know what i'm referring to}

carving pumpkins...

... and apples.

{ps my poor camera died halfway through the night and i cannot find my charger!

so sad.}

i wish i could have captured this:

my dad got a huge pumpkin spice torte for my mama. it's a birthday tradition to go outside and silly string the person to death. after we finished we came inside and the cake was gone... but there was a certain brown dog with whipped cream all over his nose....

1. completed & the pinterest challenge!

technically finished this on monday, but didn't clean up after myself until tues. and that's really when you're finished, no?

2. amy & zachary's wedding!

i've honestly never seen this girl look more beautiful in this lifetime.

weddings are right up there on my love list with family and dance. 

i would wedding crash for a living if i could. 

 we loved the simple details and the cozy little location.
it was so intimate and sweet.

aaaaand adam caught the garter.

we were sitting there just taking everything in and adam goes "woah, man". 

of course i say "what's wrong?"

he says, "i almost just started crying because i realized that my dad won't be there at my own wedding."

i started to try to comfort him {something i'm awful at}

when he said,

"i will just have my uncle give me away then."

and i couldn't stop laughing. 

he's such a dork. 

super long autumn walk!

adam met me up near my house when he had the day off
and we made a day out of taking a long autumn walk to his house,
where we made eggs and toast, watched scott pilgrim, and took a nap before i had to go to work.

it's days like these where you realize you're with someone cool,
when the sun seems brighter, the leaves seem crispier, and everything that comes out of his mouth is hilarious.
i'd take a long 7 mile walk every day, rain or shine, if it was with this kid.

adam kept saying i looked like the misfit girl in teen movies who goes against the crowd, writes for the school newspaper or has an after school radio show, and always shows up with some sarcastic remark on social constructs.

 i may have gotten a little too excited for this....

spent way too long in the seasonal section at every store i visited.

i realized i didn't even leave the fabric store with anything i went in there for because i got distracted by all the pretty garlands and smells of cinnamon.
{a few strangers may have subtly backed away when i accidentally let out a squeal at a pretty ornament...}

i went home and tried to get some work done for the bijou in a couple weeks,
but,
let's face it,
this is much more entertaining.

a pretty little photography exhibit at the hive
courtesy of mr. jake garn.

as if i need to give more examples of adam's funny ways,
i was trying to find mr. garn in the exhibit
with no luck.

adam picked up one of his business cards and asked
"do you think this number will go to a secretary or his cell phone?"
and proceeded to call him and wander around and look for the guy who answered the phone.
pretty clever, if you ask me.

adam and i fell in love with one of his prints,
but it was {get this} $250!

we loved it dearly.
we spent a good chunk of time telling the stories that the shot evoked and why it seemed so special to us.

we decided we would try to DIY,
but we kind of know that's impossible.
it was too lovely a shot.

we may have wandered in to pottery barn after this,
and may have admired all the cute little children's toys
and maybe we were the only grown-ups in that section.
what of it?

---

my life is kind of a fairytale.