good.

i got this from my sister this afternoon

and i didn't know how to answer right away.

i've been very, very affected by the tragedy this weekend. 

so much so that i am hardly able to function. 

it feels so wrong of me to feel this way

because it didn't happen to me. 

it's almost selfish of me to feel this pain when so many are directly affected and feel so much more.

but i feel it. 

it's there. 

it's so difficult. 

i mean... just writhing in pain. 

i don't need to understand anything.

no one ever will.

but i have my answer to my sister's question.

good.

there is more good in this world. 

sometimes Evil just shouts over all else,

so much louder

and it demands to be seen

but then it runs out of breath

and Good keeps humming its tune...

it's steady, beautiful, constant tune.

and when Evil shouts,

Good is there to soothe.

every time.

you just have to look for it.

what a powerful thought.

xo.

staying positive can be very difficult.

so... right after my expensive trip,
right after the hurricane,
which meant lots of missed work + school,
and my expensive laptop cord breaking,
and my dog needing to go to the vet soon,
this happened...

which is both equally devastating and painful (concussions are very common but they hurt!)
and all i can think about is the fact that the accident was completely my fault
because i looked down to grab something in my car for just a second...
and the fact that my sister and i are basically confined to laying down for days,
and the fact that my sister refuses to leave the basement
because of the awful scratches, bruises, and swelling on her face (soooooo sad!)
and the fact that my car might be totalled,
and if it isn't,
it's going to be expensive as can be to fix it.
and my citation!
and more missed work and school!
and adam's birthday coming up in 5 days!
and $$$$!

so even though i don't feel very happy right now (at all...)
i'm going to force my unwilling self to write a few positives...

• i get to chill out and spend this down time with my sister and puppy.
• my sweet dance studio was incredibly understanding and arranged my classes to be taken care of. 
• i have gotten extensions on homework from understanding professors.
• my mother has been MORE than amazing in comforting us with flowers and ice cream and hugs.
• i now know how to file a claim with my insurance.
• i have completed an entire season of desperate housewives and finished another book.
• aaaand the very worst of this is just money and little injuries. ugh... i'm so ungrateful!

i do feel a little better now.
finding the positives is easier in retrospect.
i need to work on it more while it's in the present.
it helps.
because something good comes out of every situation. no matter what.

xo.

seventeen days, five hours, two thousand miles

so this guy is leaving
tomorrow
until january fifth.

you read that right...
JANUARY 5TH!

christmas & new years!

sometimes i forget that i have to share him with his family in DC.
and he hasn't seen them in over one year
so it's only fair,
and i'm SO happy that he gets to go visit them for so long
and at such a wonderful time of year!
it's really been too long.

but still i want to cry every second of every day thinking about all those days where he won't be in my immediate reach.
i can't let myself think about it for too long or else...
to top it all off... he's switching from att to verizon and it won't be final until after he's left...
so, you guessed it,
no cell phone while he's away.
plus his laptop is broken.
so no skype.
so, yeah, um, like no communication unless he can borrow a phone or send a postcard!

seventeen days is over half a month!
buuuut it's so short compared to what other kids have had to endure,
but just let me be a baby about this...

because seventeen days is SO LONG!