changeschangeschanges

i was looking at this picture of me with long blonde hair,
wearing a shirt i have since grown to dislike and give away,
wearing glasses i no longer own
in a place that i can barely remember...
taken just 8.5 months ago.

the word changed sort of freaks me out on the inside.

probably because
it reminds me of beginning modern dance classes
where you are doing shape exercises
and each time the teacher claps her hands and yells, "CHANGE!" rather loudly
you make a different shape with your body.
the shape needs to be entirely different than the one you were holding before.

it can be quite challenging.

now when i hear the word,
i picture a thin, health-nut of a woman clapping & yelling right next to my head.
word association at its finest.

yet i love change,
but in the form of evolution.
that word itself is particularly exciting.

i evolve a lot.
i'm fairly positive every one does
in some way.

i just feel that i'm a rather unpredictable human being with too many directions to go in...
but i like it.
i like evolving.
i frequently apologize for my inconsistencies,
for my need to invest in everything i see,
for the many shades of my personality
and for the frequency in which i change my mind.

i really like seeing everything i can
like a spy.

it's good, right?
spies are adaptable.
or at least that is what i'm going to tell myself.

eustress. i like that concept.

change is scary.
and good.
and necessary.
even if it causes discomfort.
oh well.

i'm still gonna change a lot.
as long as i am living, i will be evolving.
nice.

xo.