how to be alone

in these lonely days without my love
spent hiding under my blankets,
making countdowns using every crayon, pen, pencil, marker i can find, in every font i know,
clutching my phone close to me everywhere i go,
scratching at my skin a little too much,
avoiding reminders and wanting to jump into the ocean of time and break the surface of the other side of this separation...

i return to this
and am reminded to embrace the lovely and the lonely in my life.

"lonely is a freedom that breathes easy and weightless and lonely is healing if you make it...

it doesn't mean you're not connected, that community is not present, just take the perspective you get from being one person in one head and feel the effects of it. take silence and respect it."

and i learn how to be alone
and be okay.

it's arduous.
it's unwanted.
it's deviant.

and it's renewing.