kiki jiji

if you hate cats,
then do not read this.

please.

.....

if you do not already know,
i am in love with animals.
i love love love love love animals.
so much.
i am so attached to my pets.
my whole family is like this.
if i could take them with me everywhere i go,
life would be better.
i love their innocent little spirits.

that is a picture of my kiki jiji.
i love her so much.
she has been missing for about 2months now
and it just breaks my heart.

one day my mom and i were pulling out of a walmart parking lot,
when we saw someone throw something tiny and grey out of their car window.
it did not take us long to realize that it was a kitten.

we stopped in the middle of the road and ran out to grab her.
she was soo scared and so tiny.

i picked her up and held her in a towel.
she was such a tiny little creature.
i had never held anything so fragile like that.

we took her home,
and she continued to be very frightened.
i could not stay away from her.

my mother said,
"don't get too attached,
she's not staying here."

we put her in our large dog crate with some food, water, a soft stuffed animal, and some blankets.
she did not like us.
every time she was approached she would duck away and hiss her little kitten hiss at us.

one day,
my brother and i went down to see her in her little crate.
as usual, she was very scared and did not want us approaching her,
but we grabbed her into a large towel,
wrapped her up really tight,
and pulled her out onto my lap.

my brother grabbed his guitar,
and i started singing the beatles.
she was mesmerized.
no more fear, no more animosity.
she calmly stared at me while i sang to her for a good half an hour.

it was over.
i was in love.

since she was so small,
i had to feed her, watch her, carry her everwhere.
i named her KIKI JIJI
and put a small baby bracelet around her neck in lieu of a collar.

my mom said,
"don't get too attached,
she's not staying here."

but i could not imagine what it would be without her.
she and i were little buddies.
she fit so well into my life.

keekz came at a time where i was questioning my life, my goals, my accomplishments.
i had this empty space.
who knew a tiny animal would fill it...

eventually my parents let me keep her.
she was my little kiki forev.

she was one of the weirdest, funniest cats.
you could talk to her like you would a small child and she would understand and listen to you.
"keekz, come on let's go in the backyard and lay in the sun"
"jump down off the counter, you're not supposed to be there"
"kiki let's go see hannah in her room"

she was so super smart.

when i was sick,
she would lay in my bed with me,
mostly demanding that i pet her,
but keeping me company nonetheless.

she would hit my dog in the face when he was being stupid.
she was soo LOUD and talkative all the time.
she would follow me around wherever i went.

she was hilarious.

i wish i knew where she went or what happened to her.
when i would put up lost cat signs,
they would be taken down almost immediately by someone in the neighborhood.

i would understand why someone would take her if she was stolen.
she's not a typical kitty kat.

i was scared to search my neighborhood....
i didn't want to "find" her....

i call animal control every day.
i check animal shelters, found cat signs, the works.

i think it's safe to say that she's just gone.
i really hope some family out there is enjoying her
and that she's happy and healthy and alive.
i hate not knowing.

at the same time i want to MESS SOMEONE UP for taking my baybay.
i can't let my thoughts dwell too much on what happened to her,
or else i will not end up doing anything productive.
i will just sit and cry in my bedroom all day.

kiki jiji,
i know one day i will know where you went.
i hope you remember me.
i hope you know that i loved you,
that for a long time you were the center of my world.
i hope you are out there somewhere.
it breaks my heart that i do not know what happened to you,
that our time together is over.

i cannot think about you without crying.
i know everything happens for a reason,
but i don't understand this right now.
people will say, "get over it, she's JUST a cat."
but you were not just a cat.
whatever that even means...
you were a part of my family.
my children were supposed to know and love you.
you were supposed to come with me when i moved,
lay in my bed with me and my future husband.
you were supposed to stay with me.

keekz,
i miss you so much.

i love you,
and i will always love my kiki jiji.