i had a dream last night,
where i was in a car
being driven by nearly everyone i know (one at a time, of course)
to various places
and we kept driving past huge fields of flowers.
i'd get in one car and we'd drive past daisies and sunflowers,
then my driver (my mom, dad, sisters, etc. whichever had me at the time)
would drop me off at another car
driven by a different person that i love
and that car would drive past fields of poppies and roses.
and so on.
we'd start out on a road like any other,
and soon my loved one/driver would veer off the paved road onto a dirt one
and flowers would start filling the view.
the interesting thing about it
was the desire for me to stop and gather bunches and bunches of them
and how it became stronger with each car ride
and the flowers more beautiful
and each loved one/driver more adamantly against stopping the car so i could collect them.
so, i just had to sit and watch them pass me by
"we just have so many more important things to do, ayley."
"we don't have time for that."
i had no idea where i was headed
or why i was being driven and i couldn't drive myself
because heaven knows the entire backseat would have been filled with flowers in that scenario,
but i didn't fight it
which made me sad.
because i guess...
no matter how busy we were
or how quickly we needed to get to wherever on earth we were headed
a couple of minutes spent bouquet-making wouldn't hurt nobody.
the aching i felt in my body in this dream to stop the car and just run through the field was astounding.
that awful trapped and suffocated feeling?
i can still feel its presence.
maybe next time, dream ayley will make a fuss about it or something.
probably should have just hopped out the window
or chloroformed my drivers (sorry, guys)
because that burning desire to get out was so intense
that it was a travesty that i didn't touch a single petal.
i guess it was the ultimate "stop and smell (or pick or gather or run through) the roses" kind of dream.
the kind that makes you hate your dream self
and feel lucky that you can wake up from it
physically and metaphorically.
consider me awake.