"you're gonna die in there"

photo: phil thomson

last night i had a dream
that i went to a convention for people who wanted to start their lives over.

we all had notebooks
but none of us wrote anything down
because we didn't know what to write.

finally during one of the talks i wrote
"set yourself free" on a single sheet of paper
and for some reason this really upset me
so i left.

when i walked out
i saw to the right of me
extremely tall, sort of treacherous, rolling neon green hills.

i immediately wandered over to them,
on the way dropping everything i own and kicking off my shoes,
and i just started running through them.

i ran so fast and so hard that i began to cry,
nearly slipping many times.
i ran and pounded my bare feet into the hills
barely paying any attention to my path
letting myself get lost
and i didn't care.

suddenly, i was greeted by three rams
who looked just like this
and were bowing down low and staring at me dead in the eyes
like they were about to attack.

with all the adrenaline from my run,
without thinking i dug my heel right into the first one's forehead
screaming "NO!" at the top of my lungs.
they started going in the direction of where i came
and for some reason i couldn't let that happen.
they had bad intentions
and they couldn't go any further than they already had.

so i pulled my hair up into a ponytail and started digging my foot in even harder
and trying to take these three beasts down.
after fighting my hardest, i found that i couldn't fight any longer
and they stepped over me to travel back to where i came.
i sobbed.

as i cried harder and harder,
it began to rain.
i continued to run and find shelter.
i finally found a house sitting on the top of a hill
and quickly made my way inside.

it didn't take long for me to see the holes in the ceiling
but instead of water pouring on my head,
it was sand.

i couldn't find a way out. anywhere.

so i stood there and let the sand pile at my feet,
then up to my shins,
and my knees,
and my waist...

and suddenly i heard a voice saying,
"you're gonna die in there".

and i knew it would be true if i didn't do anything
so i struggled to move through the sand
but i saw that i couldn't
but i could have gotten out of ther if i had moved earlier
when it was only at my feet
or even at my shins
and maybe even when it was at my knees.

i let myself get trapped.

so i told myself
"you're gonna die in here and it's all your fault"
and then i woke up.

it was really intense
and there is a lot of symbolism here
and if you want to put your dream interpreter hat on,
i would love it.
i think i have an idea...

my dreams are puzzling to me sometimes.

especially this one.

xo.