dead or alive.

this is a very strange feeling.

i have absolutely, positively, no idea
if i am extremely happy
or extremely depressed.

symptoms:
excessive crying, mood swings, butterflies in the stomach, intense laughter, & frequent zoning out...
among other things.

a pessimist might assume i've got the blues,
but ariel also had most of these symptoms after she went up where they spend all day in the sun.

all i know
is that i have thought,
"i am the happiest i have been in a while!"
and
"how will i make it through today?"
within a five minute period.
& repeat. for the 20 hours of each day that i spend awake lately.

it. is. the strangest.

it's just... hysteria with no clear blueprint.

but i'm reaping the assumed benefits
which include increased creativity, decreased inhibitions, and reconnections with old friends
(since i've been asking my old bffs for all kinds o' advice these days).

and, to continue with the string of false causality,
i've had some really good hair days.

but... sucks about my brain, though.

is this normal?
this is some kind of puzzle.
hope it gets sorted out soon.


off to cry now!

xo.