Thursday, March 1, 2012

if i may be frank...

after reading this article,
my love and i got to wondrin'...
are we too comfortable?

granted, we never really had a "normal" relationship.
being separated by over 2,000 miles kind of saw to that.
we would talk for hours on the phone each day,
probably over-sharing
and spending our precious-personal-secret tokens a little too early in the relationship.
when we would see each other,
we'd stay at each other's houses for one to two weeks at a time.
there was no "pick ya up around 8!" or "let's meet at the restaurant around 7!" with us.
we'd sleep under the same roof,
say our goodnights in bedroom doorways,
&get ready under the same roof, meeting each other before dates in our respective kitchens,
communicating through-out... things like "hey, can i borrow some toothpaste?" or "why is my hair being so frizzy in this DC humidity?!".
pre-marital morality and modesty aside,
we kinda didn't get the luxury of the privacies that come from a relationship that blooms within driving distance of each other.

on this day,
adam has been living in utah for 537 days,
so we've had plenty of time to get used to "normal" dating rituals,
and yet we choose not to.
we still watch strings of movies until way past curfew,
we still stay up all night talking.

even now,
since adam is such a city boy and never got a driver's license,
i will generally pick him up right after work,
he will bring a change of clothes,
and we will go to my house and get ready to head out.
i rarely wear makeup now.
we both chill out in sweats regularly.

all of this makes us now wonder...
are we too comfortable?

i mean... even marshall and lily waited years and years before peeing in front of each other.
not to mention, i know a girl who has been married for two years now
and her husband still hasn't seen her without makeup.

adam and i are so open about just about everything,
and we're not even married.
it made us wonder...
if we were lucky enough to get married
and we were blessed to be able to have children,
how would this help or hinder our relationship?

do not get me wrong,
we still date each other.
we still write each other little notes
and send emails throughout the day just to say i love you.
we still get dolled up a couple times per month and do something enriching and cultured.

right now, we're just so into "us", "we", "ours", and the like
that we do just about everything together, tell each other everything, finish each other's sentences,
and all that other adorable stuff that we are just learning may actually be harmful to our love.

we both feel that we've moved past the initial infatuation phase and are in "best friends who get to support and love each other and also make out all the time" territory,
which kind of rocks.

but still,
this has all left us a little freaked.

so, friends...
what are your thoughts?
is there a point where you can get too comfortable?
is there such thing as too comfortable?
we were thinking that too-comfortable is a phrase that, when applied to couches, pillows, and beds, means that it's wonderful and fluffy... and the only thing that would make it "too comfortable" would be it's wonderous, seductive softness that is tempting you away from doing homework or getting out of bed.
thoughts on that? did i just accidentally create a metaphor that you are about to interpret?

words of advice?
need another synonym for "opinion"?
make your choice.

we'd appreciate it ever so much!


  1. I have lots of thoughts on this subject. My husband and I dated for 2 years, lived together a year and then got married. After we had gotten married it seemed everything was all out in the open. I usually am in sweats by the time I see him after work, I never wear make up on the weekends and shower right after work, so 90% of them time I am not dolled up for him. It does seem like we are super comfortable. I like that though. There are still so many territories that are untouched in our relationship, we are supper happy and that's all that truly matters right? I think every relationship is different and in the end if you're happy you're good.

  2. i like this post. it's made me think a lot. like a lot. too much to formulate a cohesive response. i'm going to think on this more and then i'll get back to you.

  3. Ooh I love this post. I do think about this. Especially when now our lives are already crazy, add kids on top of that and it is going to be off the charts! Equal parts awesome and exhausting. But here is this. I believe there is a difference between being comfortable and being real. Not as in, "I'm just being realistic here" because that phrase is never followed by anything positive. But as in, you are showing each other the real you. I feel great wearing makeup and I feel great without it. I would choose to wear comfy clothes most of the time because I like being able to move, to just, be. Those are part of the real me. I feel like the more comfortable you get with each other, the more ok you are being the real you around each other. And that to me, is one of my biggest goals - to be true to myself. And Trey is the person I am my truest self with. I loooove getting dressed up and going somewhere special, going on dates, and being romantic. And that is so so important! It makes it that much sweeter when we do something extraordinary. I could write a whole separate post on how I important I feel things like that are. Being comfortable means getting creative and recognizing that you do need that spontaneity and romance in your life. I think problems arise when one or both people don't realize that they need those moments. But I will tell you this, I have been in love with Trey since I was 18 years old, and he still gives me the butterflies. And now that we are in that BFF with Benefits stage (which is TERRIFIC BTW), we get to know each other on such a more minute level. Instead of figuring out that your love thinks you look great with that certain hairstyle, you figure out that in that millisecond you saw something flicker across their face, you knew what they were thinking. Learning about each other is limitless - because we are constantly changing. So I dare any of us to say that we know absolutely all there is to know about the person we love most. Showing your real self to people - everyone sees bits and pieces of the real you - some more than others - but showing your real self is terrifying. Scrubbing the makeup off of your soul, so to speak, leaves you bare. It leaves you you. And when you can show that to someone, and show them you, and they can do the same back...I don't think there is anything more intimate, or beautiful. That is all. Also I love you.

  4. oooh my gosh sara's response was moving. oh my gosh.

  5. i love this ayley. you can't overemphasize the importance of being your true self with your true lover. that's what makes it enriched and real. i dont think you two need to be freaked. really i don't. i think its insane that girl has never had a bare face for her husband. but thats ok for her. actually, the more i think about that, i just don't know how its humanly possible. honestly. i mean have they never showered together? THATS LIKE ONE OF THE GREATEST BENEFITS OF BEING MARRIED! SERIOUSLY? alright i am officially mind boggled about that. but really, everyone's life is different and everyone does what works for them. i am not judging, more like just being perplexed is all. this isn't even what i had in mind when i started writing this comment. what i was going to say was, don't let something you don't know shake your faith in something you do know. you know you love each other, and you never know what lies ahead. just love each other more and more each passing day. alright, i can't write anything that could top what sara said so i'm just stopping now.


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