Saturday, May 1, 2010

would i be out of line if i said i miss you?

today i woke up alone.

today i was having trouble fastening the back of my dress by myself.
i just couldn't seem to reach those buttons.

today my passenger seat was empty,
i only ate half of my banana,
and i only rested on the left side of my bed.

i had necklaces that needed clasping and groceries that needed carrying.
i spoke half as many words.
i drank half a mug of hot cocoa.
i checked my mailbox twice as many times.

yesterday i did not take anyone's hand and hold it.
i didn't kiss anyone good night
nor did i feel warm while i slept.

yesterday i discarded half my pb&j after i was full.
i made a wall of pillows in my bed
and i rolled over to fill the empty space.

yesterday i sat on a chair that was too big for just one person.
i walked home alone.
i laughed at something i thought of in my head and no one was around to ask me why i was smiling.

tomorrow i will sit on a love seat alone,
laugh at my cats alone,
sleep alone,
take a bicycle ride alone,
eat dinner alone,
ride in my car alone.

i will fasten my own necklaces
and eat a whole banana.
i will zip up the back of my dresses alone
and carry my own groceries.
i will watch movies alone.
i will watch the world alone.
i will look in the mirror watch myself be alone.

tomorrow i will wake up alone

and i will look at the empty spaces,
the half eaten bananas,
the other side of the love seat,
the other half of my sandwich,
those parts of me and my world that seem to be halved
and cry.

these parts of me are just dangling there
waiting to be held by you.
i have these empty spaces ready to be filled
they weren't filled yesterday
or today.

so please.


come and help me fill me bed.
help me with my unfinished bananas and my unzipped dresses...

so that tomorrow
i won't wake up alone.
{photo via papertissue}

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