don't care what it is, but make my drink strong

i want to experience the strong stuff.

there are always things you are afraid you might miss out on:
- having children
- graduating college
- your daughter's dance recital
- seeing your grandchildren get married
- visiting another country
- singing in front of a group of people
e t c

there are some things that i worry i will miss out on. or already have missed out on.
well, not worry.
but wonder.
i want to be able to take my liquor. and life wouldn't be full if we just drink virgin cosmos all the time.
i would feel empty.

i don't think anyone really wants to go through these things.
but i do.
well... i say i do.

i want to experience heartbreak in my life. i don't feel like i will live a full life without it.
life would be too easy...

and here is the list:

- falling in love with a married man
- having a child out of wedlock with someone who could not care any less
- being kidnapped by someone i do not know
- being beaten either by a stranger or someone i thought loved me
- losing a parent young or growing up without one of my parents
- having no home and begging on a street corner
- being pregnant and being abandoned by my husband
- going to jail, if even for a night
- being so sick that people start questioning whether i will survive the night
- falling in love with someone who does not love me back and never could
- being tormented by a ghost
- drowning and having to be resuscitated
- attending the funeral of one of my siblings
- getting a disease and having an expiration date
- getting lost and reported as a missing person
- getting in an automobile accident, needing the jaws of life to be freed from the wreckage
- being engaged or married and having my significant other cheat on me
- marrying someone who already has children
- having a run-in with a shark, tiger, anaconda, etc.
- going on a date with someone who is terribly disgusting
- going to a bar and meeting someone and having a one night stand
- losing a limb or becoming paralyzed
- standing naked in front of a group of fraternity boys and letting them tear my confidence down
- being a lesbian and being disowned by my family
- falling out of love
- being rejected by more than one man on the same day or in the same week
- getting that foreboding Police-Knocking-On-My-Door and realizing i didn't even get to say goodbye
- losing everything i have

i want to experience what it feels like to have my heart ripped out of my chest, broken, and handed back to me in teensy tiny little fragments

and wonder why it feels heavier now that it's in pieces.

i should be careful what i wish for.
{photo courtesy of papertissue}