Friday, January 13, 2012


it's a war.
it really is.

it almost seems as though the two cannot coexist...
and in a way they can't.
not without attention, energies being split.
but you know,
it's not a choice you have to make entirely.

as for me...

i'd much rather be known for the things i say, the good things i do...
than how i wore my hair today.

i promise that the lasting, dazzling impact of a LV handbag will not linger as long as the hope that a hungry child's finally full belly brings to him.

do not get me wrong,
i love getting ready.
i love makeup, clothes, decorations,
anything that adorns... i'm down for it.
i think fashion is an art form.
i like pretty people and pretty things.
who doesn't?

but this kind of attention is not for me.

the day i am popular, well-liked, noticed, have thousands of followers on social networking sites
simply because i'm cute,
will be the end of
all my hard work,
the hard earned knowledge of good and truth,
the sleepless and thought-filled nights,
the dreaming, scheming, and hoping for amazing and wonderful things...

the end of me.

it is not something i could spend loads of time doing
and reporting.
not in my right mind, anyway.

i know that with the nature of this life,
and the way the world is placing that big, gaudy word over the sounder one below,
the attention of people clinging to substance will not match,
or even sit at the same lunch table with,
the attention given to those dripping with style.

which is okay.
because that isn't what is important.

{this is the part where you reminisce about that cliche starfish story everyone heard in third grade.}

the world rocks. life is cool. service is alive and well.
even though i believe the world is starting to resemble The Capitol as each day passes. that one is probably just me being a dork.

i digress...

mark my words,
with my life
i will make a difference.
i promise this to the world now.

i swear that i will do better things with my money than shop for myself all the time.
i swear to resist "splurges" that i will forget about in 3 years.
i swear that i will spend 5 less minutes getting ready in the mornings in order to spend 5 extra minutes helping another person in my day.
i swear that i will continue to think, to philosophize, to explore this wild and wondrous earth.
i swear to share experiences that might make a difference.
i swear to create and to serve.

for me,
i want to live a creative life that serves others.
that i haven't figured out yet.

but there has got to be a reason why the two seem to overlap in my future plans.
style and substance will find a way to harmonize in me someday.

but for now...
thank you,
thank you for being okay with the fact that i don't post pictures of me doing mundane things looking super cute.
thank you for being okay with these personal little posts that are more for me than anything.
thank you for reminding me who i am.

thank you for being okay with me.
i will be around for a while.


  1. i really like how, in the linked star-thrower story, the last line is italicized AND bolded.

    it's as though the story is being told to us and the storyteller's eyes squint and his voice softens as he lets the line sink in. like he's trying to perform magic.

    this happened to me when i first heard it.

    and the storyteller, for emphasis repeated that line about three times, pacing around, occasionally looking at his feet in some *private* act of humility, and gave us a moment of silence.

    i took that moment of silence
    and accidentally laughed

    and subsequently received glares from all adults whose hearts were being ripped open and sewn back together with the stitches of love and compassion in the story.

    i really tried to hold it in,
    but i just wasn't strong enough.

    oh well.

    that guy knew better than anyone what he was getting into:
    a gym full of elementary school kids/a beach full of starfish.
    he couldn't possibly have expected to affect all the starfish, er, kids.

    but i know in my heart.
    that story made a difference that day,
    if even for one sappy teacher.

  2. i love that your posts are more for yourself than anyone. you are true. i love your writing style.


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